I own a happy midget-I walk him in the yard
He's tethered to a leash-we don't go very far
Stumpy arms and legs-prancing by my side
He trains so hard-I promised him-one day we'd go outside

Oh, my proud little man
Summersaults and handstands
Show me those silly midget tricks
When I clap my hands-he jumps and does a flip

I tell him that it's time-he shrieks and wets the floor
When I attach his leash-he drags me to the door
We will show the people-who used to laugh at you
Just what a special midget-can be trained to do

Oh, stubby dwarven friend
My companion till the end
Runs just as fast as he can
Don't forget to flip-when I clap my hands

[Guitar solo: Martinez]

Strutting down the street-he's on his brand new leash
He tries to jump on people-I keep him out of reach
All the people ask me-why I treat him wrong
I tell them they did worse-then we sing our song

"Happy little midget, running down the street
Happy little midget, skip on stunted feet
Walk my funny midget, watch him do his tricks"

Then I clap my hands-he jumps and does a flip